In the game of life, there have been a few lessons hurled my way lately, worthy of being shared here today. Perhaps they will offer you some insights, or perhaps you’ll get a chuckle.

Lesson #1:   It’s not about you.

How often does something not so great happen and you immediately jump on it and take it personally? It seems like we humanoids are looking for some sort of validation of faults we have; in some circles it is known as ‘playing the victim’. Some people have said ‘Nothing has meaning except for the meaning you give it’ or ‘Stay out of judgement and into curiosity’. The lesson behind these events, when we start thinking ‘Why ME?!?!?!’ is that it’s is perfectly normal to think that way; it’s how long you think that way and what is the thought process that follows that – that’s what counts. Realizing and accepting that everyone thinks that way, then immediately dropping that thought process to look for the lesson life is giving you – that’s the key.

Lesson #2: Ask for what you want.

We hear it all our lives – if you don’t ask, you don’t get. Well, it’s true. On my recent teaching trip to beautiful British Columbia, I asked for free hotel room upgrades and got them; I asked for discounts on almost everything I spent money on, and got them; When I asked and didn’t get, I hadn’t lost anything by asking. When I did get the deals I asked for, it resulted in my saving approximately $400 over the course of a week. I would have gladly invested that $400 in the products and services, however, why not keep it in my pocket instead of someone else’s?

Lesson #3: Be careful who you rely on.

In the course of 5 days I had a printer call me last-minute to say they couldn’t deliver my order the next day; I had a caterer cancel with 11 hours notice, at 8pm on a Sunday night; I showed up to a hotel to find the meeting room I had reserved was no longer reserved for me and had been booked for part of the time it was to be mine. I had not asked any of these people for a deal, so they couldn’t have been making a choice between a full-paying customer and a person who asked for a deal – they must have just been irresponsible. I sure am glad I checked up on things for the meeting room and was able to rescue the situation to everyone’s satisfaction. How often do people let you down? Could the cause be shared between you and them? Look honestly at your role in the situation before answering.

Lesson #4: Put yourself in opportunities way.

Some doors close, and other doors open. Are you looking for doors to open? Are you ready to take a step through those new doors? Are you ready to walk back from the doors that are closing?

A few lessons learned from my day yesterday . . . .

My wife and I were headed to our collectibles and Fiestaware store, for a busy Saturday of sales. Given that the massive antique show was going on, I had decided to set up on the street outside and see what extra stuff we could get sold. I ignored the weatherman’s dire predictions of awful weather; I mean, really, who believes what they say anymore?

Lesson #1 – if the ?experts? say the weather’s going to be awful, and the sky verifies it, perhaps you should heed the warnings that are slapping you in the face. How often does your ego / pride / male-ness cause you to not listen to those who know more?

Lesson #2 – when someone is waving a flag in your face, telling you to take a certain action, perhaps there’s a reason to pay attention, so pay attention. So, we’re driving to the store and see these 2 young girls jumping around, pointing to a sign for a garage sale. I was going too fast to stop, and as we sped by, I saw this look of total disappointment on the youngest one’s face, so I slowed down, turned around and went back.

It turned out that we got an amazing deal on a family of Teletubbies, all 4 for $5, which I gave to my wife who gave them to her mother. A great deal that we almost flew by. How often do you not follow your instincts, and what are you missing out on?

Lesson #3 – people need to be told what to do. As I was selling my wares, I would tell people to ignore the price tags and make me an offer; few did. I then started telling people to offer me what the item was worth to them; few did. I then started looking at the price tag in front of the people and taking 1/3 off; people bought. How many sales have you lost by not telling people what to do?

As some of you may know, I am very consciously working at regaining the level of fitness I enjoyed at age 28, when I was competing in events like 100 mile runs, 48-hour runs, Ironman, Double-Ironman, and various other adventures like the 1,000 mile qualifier for the bicycle Race Across America.

To achieve this is something very important to me, at least the running part, as I intend to run the Death Valley Ultra and a few of the other more extreme events in the next 7 years. To this end, I am meticulously tracking the things I eat, how my running is going every day, etc.

Out for my run this morning, I had a revelation. It shouldn’t have been a revelation, given my experience in training, my education in phys-ed, and my having trained for several years with some of Canada’s elite runners at all distance. But it was a revelation. Let me share it with you, and then you can take it away and think about how it applies to your work life.

When I run, my habit is to listen to educational things; this week I have been listening to ‘Think & Grow Rich For The 21st Century”. It’s a very interesting book, however, today I found myself 30 minutes into my run and tired of listening to it. I changed to listening to my playlist for when it is snowy and slushie and I work on the eliptical machine. This is stuff like C&C Music Factory, YMCA, Billy Idol – real pumped-up music. And a strange thing happened – my breathing settled into it’s rhythm, my pace picked up, my legs felt better, and I was ‘in the zone’.

Hmmm. I was no longer focusing on the great words of Napoleon Hill; rather, I was just listening and being moved by the music, my mind free to tune into the signals from my body, and free to focus on my 2010 goal of running 50 miles a week. Free to focus on the things that need to be focused on to get me to my destination. I have a written plan. I have a written promise. I have my action steps.

I promise that, by December 31st, 2010, I will be running 50 miles a week, or something better.

By doing this, I will be in great physical and mental condition, my body will be working properly, and I will be on track for my long term goal of completing the Death Valley Marathon.

So, take my revelation away, and think about it in relation to your work.

“Nothing has meaning except for the meaning I give it.” T. Harv Eker

“Nothing is personal. Observe. Do not “Mind Read”. Jim Fortin

These two thoughts have been ringing in my mind a lot over the last few weeks. I was presenting to a most amazing group of people last week and when teaching this point, I made the comment that the most comfortable way for me to stand is with my arms crossed, resting on the slight protrusion of my abdomen. It is much more comfortable for me to stand that way than with my arms down at my sides, and being comfortable puts me in a more receptive frame of mind. Yet, most people will see my stance as my being closed off to their input, not interested, bored, and that is so far from the truth.

Another example most salespeople can relate to is when you expect a call from someone to confirm an appointment, and they seemingly vanish from the face of the planet.  How often do you find yourself reading things into situations, only to be proved crazy? You know, you find yourself getting frustrated because you can’t reach them by phone or by email, so you spend a few days convincing yourself how awful they are, how they must have done business with someone else, only to discover a few days later that they were very sick, a family member died, or some other such thing.

Observe how often you fall into these thought patterns, analyze them, and you will discover ways to a more peaceful life when you remove this thought pattern from your life.

“People that do things out of obligation often do not do well, for themselves or those who they are doing it for.” John Alexandrov (paraphrased)

“If I make the decision not to go with you, you have to be okay with that.” Nick Simmons to Gene Simmons

In his best-selling book, The Money Chi, John talks about a common situation, the adult children in a family business who are working there more out of a sense of obligation than a love for their work. John talks about how those adult children will often have ruinous financial lives, and often will be the final generation to operate the family business.

The second quote is from a recent episode of Simmons Family Jewels, the show about Gene Simmons of KISS fame, and his family.

Nick is a budding musical talent and recording companies are interested in him. His father is interested in releasing his music as well, however, Nick feels extra pressure from his father and that is putting him off going with the decision he really wants to make.

Do you pressure people to do things? Sure, we all do, however, where do you draw the line? Think about it.

I am so immersed in observing people these days, their speech patterns, body language, their eyes, that I am finding myself on alert for things that are seemingly incongruous in their words and physical state. If you’ve ever studied body language, you know about eye movements.

I think of my current path through life as purposefully slower, and that’s a good thing.

Several recent experiences have caused me to really understand that you get what you ask for, and you have to give to get. Let me explain. I just returned from a short business trip to Boston, and wanted to change my return flight. I asked the lady at the check-in counter when I was leaving Buffalo and she told me that it was going to cost me more to change the flight than to just buy another ticket. Okay, if you know me, you know that ain’t gonna happen! I asked what my other options were, and she told me to go to the check-in counter in Boston and they would let me go on the immediately-prior flight for no charge. Awesome, says me.

Yesterday, I went to the counter and told the guy there that I wanted to change my flight, and really didn’t want to spend any money to do it. The agent, Vincent, told me my options – pay $40 and get a guaranteed seat on the next flight, or wait and try to go stand-by on any flight. He checked the next flight, saw that it was half-full, and said ‘here – you don’t need to spend $40 – just go to the gate and tell them Vincent said you’d get on this flight, no problem’. Awesome, thanks Vincent!

Off to the gate I went, and the flight ends up being delayed. Passengers are lined up mercilessly harassing the check-in staff, so I got in line and when I was at the front, I used something I learned from a speaker, (maybe John Maxwell, I’m not sure) and I said to the lady ‘I don’t really need any complicated help. I saw how much these people were harassing you, blaming you for the plane being delayed and cursing at you. Just take my standby boarding pass and take a few moments to get re-centered and forget those jerks’. Well, she beamed this massive smile at me, and after a few minutes told me how much it meant to have had those couple of minutes to purge her frustrations silently. Cool, I thought, and went away to wait until the rest of the passengers had boarded.

Finally, the boarding started and I was shocked to hear my name being called. This lovely lady had not only assigned me to a seat, she had assigned me to a business class window seat! How cool is that!!

So, I asked for a free switch of flights, and I got it – totally awesome. I then gave some respite to the gate agent, not expecting anything more in return than the good feeling I get from helping someone out, and I got rock star treatment as a result!

Everywhere I go, I ask if they can give me a better deal, whether it’s hotel rooms, airfare, pretty much everything. I’m never upset if they say no, however, I will push a bit because I know that they never offer their best rates on things without a bit of back-and-forth. If they are skilled enough at the game and hold their ground, I will pay the price they ask and congratulate them on standing firm. Gee, I wonder if maybe some of your clients test you that same way? I bet they do.

If you’re the kind of real estate or mortgage agent that needs another 5, 6, or even 10 extra sales before the end of the year, then these skills are exactly what you need to get them closed. Request your free coaching call (a $400 value!) by submitting the form to the right. You’ll be amazed at how much your business will change as a result of coaching with me.